I’m not sure where to even begin with this one. Every day is amazing, exhausting, blissful and tiring all in the one. I LOVE the toddler stage. My child is 2 and a half, and while I’ve loved watching him grow and his little personality come out, I adore the stage he is at just now but man is it hard work!

He’s a fierceindependentsensitive and affectionate little boy. He’s such a big character for such a little boy. As with most two year old’s he’s extremely adventurous and, what’s the word, inquisitive. He has to know the ins and outs of everything he comes across, he’s curious about everything and I love seeing his little mind work and learning new things. It really does fill you with pride knowing you’ve created a little person and you’ve got a front row seat at watching them grow from a tiny baby in to this amazing little human child.

However, not every day is sunshine and rainbows. There are days when you’ll wonder if your children are put here to test you and see how many times they can make you swear under your breath. There are moments you’ll find yourself just sitting in silence, without a tv or any noise surrounding you because it’s the first time in years you’ve been able to hear yourself think. And there’ll be times when your child is screaming and throwing themselves on the floor having the mother of all tantrums because you won’t lift them up to stare in the fridge for the tenth time that morning! And you’ll feel like going in to a full on melt down and mimicking them, but you don’t. You hold it together, swear profusely in your head, take a deep breath and get on with life.

You’ll do your best to be the textbook parent and feed them their greens, teach them good manners and get them in to a good bedtime routine. There’ll be times you’re running around crazy trying to ‘do’ life that you don’t have time to cook so their meal for that night comes in a little box of happiness with yellow handles and it also includes a toy, bonus! There’ll be times when you’re running on so little sleep and for the sake of your sanity you’ll let them sleep in your bed because all you want is a solid 4 hours sleep for all of you.

There’ll be times, like last night, when my husband and my son drank a carton of milk between them before bed and your husband doesn’t think to take the toddler to the toilet before he falls asleep. So instead, he falls asleep in your bed and wakes up in the wee hours of the morning crying, soaking wet and the full bed covered in pee.

So you deal with that,  it takes an hour for your child to fall back asleep and takes you even longer. Before you know it the damn morning is here, and even though you feel like you’ve just closed your eyes and can’t physically function, that little face comes bouncing in saying ‘morning Mummy’ in the sweetest little voice with the cutest little smile to match. All of your tiredness somehow just melts away. You get up and begin your morning routine. After the ‘guess what I want for breakfast by making me three different things and seeing which one I eat’ game, it’s time to hose them down. A nice, clean, fun activity.

Like most children my son loves bath time. He could literally spend the day playing in the shower with his box of bath toys pretending he’s a pirate or a shark. Today he decided it would be fun to shit in the shower. Yip, a nice big dirty poo in the middle of a nice clean shower. It’s moments like this when you’re picking shit out of a bath that you realise you really are a parent.

You literally need eyes on the back of your head. Sometimes you’ll find yourself, for some crazy reason unbeknown to man, actually trusting your toddler to do something on their own like going to pee only to find that they’ve put four toilet rolls down the toilet and flushed it. Why? Who knows. That’s just what toddlers do. Who knows why they have to put all of your cutlery in the bin so that you’re left with three knives, one fork and no spoons? Who knows why they don’t play in their room or take any interest in their toys until you after you’ve spent the afternoon tidying the room and showing that there is a carpet under there? And just to top it off they decide that 4.30pm is a good time to ‘nap’. Yes that’s right my son is napping right now and I know I’m setting myself up for a night of turbulence trying to get him to sleep tonight but I’m letting him because sometimes when he’s sleeping I like to just sit. That’s it. Just sit and do nothing without a tiny terrorist running round behind me undoing my efforts of keeping on top of the housework or putting a fork somewhere it shouldn’t be. So instead of waking him and dealing with his tired tantrums until bedtime I’m just letting him sleep and writing on this blog while he does. Terrible aren’t I?

So, to sum it up, today I’ve been pee’d on, picked poo out of a bath and four soaking wet toilet rolls out of a toilet, amongst all the other ‘mothering’ stuff. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. Between all the madness my son just has to say or do something so heartwarmingly funny that I feel my heart just melting away inside.

Parenthood consists of bedtime stories, waking up covered in pee or sick (or sometimes both), leaving the house dressed in the same outfit you’ve worn for the last three years while your child and partner are pristine. It’s moments of madness and a lifetime of love, laughter and happy memories. The bad times are heavily outweighed by the good and you wouldn’t swap being covered in tiny human fluids for all the money in the world. There are actually some people out there who enjoy the chaos of having a child/toddler/mini devil that much they go on to have more!

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