When you find out you’re pregnant you begin imagining what this little person that’s growing inside of you will be like, will they have Daddy’s eyes or my dark hair? Wondering who’s nose they’ll have and praying they haven’t inherited their Dads ears! But the biggest question on everyone’s minds is will it be a boy or a girl?
It seems that there’s a little more excitement around baby girls, that life with a girl will be full of hearts, rainbows and butterflies, fairy princesses & pink tutus! Whereas boys are a little more of a handful and not such a cute ‘option’, they’re boisterous and like to be dirty and talk about gross things…
It’s assumed that Mums want girls and Dads want boys. Society has created this gender led conception that girls are somehow ‘better‘ than boys when it comes to having children, that it’s blue for boys and pink for girls. Or that girls like to play with dolls and wear skirts and that boys like to jump in puddles or climb trees. The truth is children don’t care about any of that. They don’t know what gender is or what they’re ‘supposed‘ to play with or how they’re ‘supposed’ to act. It’s adults that put this on them. I have to hold my hands up and say that I was one of those people who’d dreamt of having a baby girl, I’m not sure why, but I’d just always imagined having a little girl. Maybe it’s the way society had structured my thinking? Having spoke with a lot of Mums now I’ve learned that it’s actually quite common and that a lot of Mums felt the same. Rarely people will admit that they want one over the other before they find out what they’re having, but afterwards they’ll say how much they wanted said boy or girl. So, when I fell pregnant I’ll be honest and say there was a tiny part of me hoping I was going to have a baby girl, though I could tell from an early scan we were having a boy, I just knew and guess what? I was okay with that. I mean look at him, who can say he’s anything less than perfect because he’s not a girl?! But sadly it seems there are some who do favour one over the other.
I started noticing the comments people made about boys compared to girls during the ‘guessing game’ and general baby conversation we’d have with family and friends. It seemed as though there was almost a negative attached to boys, and I almost felt as if some people looked down their noses at boys. It made me feel like I was almost inadequate if I was having a boy. This may sound extreme to some but it’s genuinely how I felt at that time, and I know many others who have said the same but thought they were the only one. I had comments made like ‘I wouldn’t know what to do with a boy’, and other remarks that made me feel as though a baby boy wasn’t anything to be excited about- let me tell you now, boys are NO different to girls, the only difference is that you make sure the winkle points down when you change their nappy. This became quite a sensitive subject for me while pregnant. I’d had a tough time as it was, I was feeling vulnerable and my emotions were heightened, so teaming that with these feelings of inadequacy only heightened my anxiety.
Then came the day of our gender scan. I already knew deep down our baby was going to be a boy, but there was something inside of me that felt that wasn’t good enough (not for me, for others). When the nurse told us the gender I smiled and was genuinely pleased, but I felt like others were going to look down their nose at me for it. I know I was probably being irrational and over thinking things, but I do think some of what I felt was genuine because of the way people had made me feel.
I felt guilty for not being as excited as I should have about having a baby boy, I’m annoyed for even allowing people make me feel that way or think that he was going to be anything less because he wasn’t a girl. I can tell you now, there is nothing different between boys and girls. ‘We’ are the ones who are obsessed with gender.
My son is kind, caring, sensitive, funny and sweet! He is crazy and wild, climbs on things you wouldn’t even think possible! He’s taught me more about myself and life than I could ever imagine. Does he drive me crazy? Absolutely! But every single day he makes me smile, laugh and fills my heart with pride. He’s made me a cooler, happier, better person just because of who he is. We have our own special language and a bond that’s unbreakable. He’s so independent yet still needs his Mumma to kiss him better when he hurts himself.
When I thought of life as a parent I never thought I’d be having Spider-Man marathons or even be able to tell the difference between Iron Man and Captain America let along be having imaginary battles with them! Being Mum to a boy means one minute we can be play fighting and the next he’s giving me the biggest cuddle ever while he’s laughing ‘I’m squeezing your heed off!’ Sometimes it’s a fight to get him in to his car seat and other times he kisses me on the head while I strap him in. He loves all things Spider-Man and superheros, but he also loves to brush my hair and is curious about my makeup and nail painting. He randomly tells me I’m beautiful or says ‘Mum you’re so pretty’. He honestly melts my heart every single day with his kind heartedness and sweet ways. I’m so blessed to have him in my life and show me what life is really about. he’s changed my world in so many ways, and not because he’s a boy, but just because of who he is.